nap time's over...at least for a while...!!

i know, i know...long time no see..!!
but there's something about writing a blog that keeps holding me back..

the purpose of it...

thw way i look at it, essentially a blog is all about writing, whether personal crap or perceptions of the world around you.

and when it comes down to writing all about myself, my thoughts, basically ranting my mind out..the point of it keeps going amiss...
to write on a personal level is to sort out your head, and that can be done even in a diary, and thats a practice i still do possess, so why this further spurting out on the net?

is it because i want attention, i want others to read and applaud my intellect or heart?? not really...i cannot truly bring myself to bother with the nitty gritty of what others actually think of me..

but then am i doing people a favour...??
maybe..because i am headstrong enough to believe that the feelings i have,
the agony that i go through at times can be mirrored by lots of others, and maybe my clarity or my logic and my insight...will in some minor part at least contribute to clearing up the fog in their heads, whether they realise it , accept to it or not is irrelevant...

just the slim chance of that happening is a very powerful intoxicant to me, which can justify all the other reasons as to why i should not...

or is it an altogether different reason...?
am i doing this to help myself find a person who can rightly understand me...help me figure out who i am...but then..i am a little bit of a narcisst in that way..help is a word i have little patience with, accepting it is an impossibility..most of the times..

and therefore..till these nagging answers fade away or boil down to one in my head..i'll do both...keep resisting and giving in to this medium of expression..because i cannot/will not keep things simple and superficial..it's too difficult..and i am a sucker for the easy things...meaning things that are easy and come naturally to me..

well..till the end of the next battle...
keep wondering...even if u don't...i surely will!!

namaste!!